Inside the mind of a writer
I totally about lost it. My whole mind almost went. I admit that I loved doing a script and voice over for my dear friend Joey Collins, but he didn’t understand the mind of a writer. I almost cracked this time. I stopped eating and couldn’t sleep well. It was a flashback to when I took the job typing up a handwritten songbook, which I found out had one whole section of funeral songs. It felt like death was right there page by page. I know I was wide-eyed and almost crazy then. When you start rapping Baptist funeral songs out loud to your kids… you need to get help! Well, I almost lost it again this past job. Love my friend and his story is great, but I have so many words in my head already. I almost snapped. He knows I am crazy he just didn’t realize how crazy till now.
I Don’t Do Normal
Most people can switch gears and just write what is given. I can’t do that. I have to create and craft and be wordy. I can’t turn off the inner story and transition to what is normal for everyone else. I am always taking in the tone of your voice, the look of your person, the nature of your character and the meaning of your name. I write passionately and insane like. I don’t just see the world I feel it. I can’t help it. It is just how I am wired. It makes me vulnerable to your pain and over compassionate as well as harsh and sometimes I scream go away at you.
What I wish people could understand is that I need to write. Sometimes I need to just be wordy and let out the inner thoughts. You can’t get between me and my focus. I will go crazy! If you can’t let me just word dump or handle me exploding oddities then don’t be my friend. I am always in write mode, even when hit with writer’s block! It is just a part of me. Even if I am just writing prayers in my prayer journal I find myself writing names with the need on the paper but in my head, I am crafting prayers already for them. I see more than I am writing down!
When You Can’t Get Your Brain To Hush
Sometimes you just need to write words and more words. You got thousands of worlds inside your mind and a thousand topics you feel passionate about and you need to let them out! This blog post is the product of me being bottled up during the documentary. I sounded off crazy like to my Best Friend, Samantha Branham, AKA Author Anne Belle, already and I admit I went crazy on poor Joey. Let’s just say he knows me really well now! I just wanted to run off and go crazy writing. I have poems inside my head, five serious topics, four or five books and my Bible study answers in my head along with the dialogue with myself that only God and I can hear! That is a lot of words! I want to write all the things! All them all at once! I am like a cat being baptized in water while high on catnip! Write it! Write it all!
Sometimes people get confused and think because someone writes they are a writer. If you can write a regular paper or do regular office writing, good for you! That is wonderful, but that doesn’t make you a writer, writer. When you are a writer you see the world differently and your thoughts on it look like shapes forming in your mind. You can read something and see it, feel it, and experience it! You are not able to stop the visual story from forming. You also have the need to put the words in that others leave out! You can’t do simple writing. You get crazy if you are told you have to only write what you are told! You have a hunger to express yourself. To take what you are given and make it beyond what it is. To make your reader feel the story! You can’t leave out the words that shape the full picture you see in your mind! You get wordy, pushy, you have a need to ask questions. You want to touch the object you are writing about too.
I remember being on Field Studies with the Piarist High School when I was a teenager and we went into these old mansions to tour. The signs that said do not touch drove me mad! I looked and seen the beautiful things and I felt the need to touch them! That made writing up the nightly report on it so hard! How do you survive when you can’t touch something and have to write about it! I hated those trips! I could write something blah but I had a desire to add more to it, but I couldn’t touch the items I wrote about so there was nothing else to write! Inside my mind there was questions that would never be answered! I hated it! What if I want to write that beautiful chair into my story? I need to know what it feels like and what is on the bottom of it! Yes, that is what writers who are writers do. We can’t keep from asking those questions and touching.
Why I Love NaNoWriMo
I am so glad I found NanNoWriMo! I love how you have a goal of 50,000 words to hit and a month to do it in! What I love most is it can be brain vomit words and you can go back later and fix your story. You write words sometimes during it just to be writing words! You just let yourself pour them out! If you are like me and a hardcore writer who needs to be wordy it is for you! You will find that the process of just letting out the story feels great!
There is never a good time to live… or to write! There is also no good time to die. My fear is that my stories will stay with me and die with me. I can’t leave them unwritten! I realized this past week why so many writers are alone in life. It is because we can’t stop being weird. We have to live out our storyboards so to speak. Those ideas inside us need to get out to the public. People think we are crazy, strange, fixated, or stupid even. We are just creative and need to create. You can’t force conformity on us and think we will do well. You can’t see the stories, but we can!
So this post is to let out the crazy and to let those who are like me and have a passionate need to just write it all know you are not alone! Jump on this crazy train it is pulling out of the station! Woot! Woot!
If you want to see the documentary I helped with go to YouTube and look up High Voltage Archery Joey Collins 20th Anniversary video. Make sure you like it and share it.
Stay wordy my mental writing buddies! Get your write on!